Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
