remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
