I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
