no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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