I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
