$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
