Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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