insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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