If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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