The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
