So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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