I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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