you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
