I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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