i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
