i permit you to call me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
