is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
