ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we made out on top of his cat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
