Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
