The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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