did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
