Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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