im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
