No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
