um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
