Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
