one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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