Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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