I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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