What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
