Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize