I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
