I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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