just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drunk is not a location!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
