remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
