Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
