Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
