Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
