the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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