Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
