remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
