Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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