Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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