New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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