he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize