i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
