he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
