New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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