She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
