tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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