So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
