He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Acid is not a monday night drug
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
