Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
