she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
