Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
