the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize