We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize