I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
