just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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