Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
