I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
