Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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