i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
