O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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