i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
