Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
