He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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