I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
