so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
