after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize