What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
