how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
