I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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