You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
